Rockin' Around the Conspiracy

"Rockin' Around the Conspiracy" is a song off the Every Ape and His Brother album Winter Horrorland. It is a parody of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," telling the song's story from the point of view of a fictional paranoid schizophrenic.

History
Every December, stores in Michigan overplay some of the same Christmas tunes ad nauseum. At the Grand Ledge Meijer store, this led to the receiving crew in the 2010s deeming December "torture month." To make the dreaded season more tolerable, a sympathetic Dozerfleet founder drafted new lyrics to several songs, creating enough parodies to fill an entire album - Winter Horrorland, which replaced cringe secular Christmas tunes with Krampusnacht parodies inspired in part by the 2015 Michael Doughtery film Krampus.

This song decided to take a break from discussing the Horrorday Gang explicitly, to discuss instead a real-life fear that is much more likely to happen to a larger demographic, even within the Gerosha universe: the possibility of suffering from paranoid schizophrenia while the holidays arrive. While originally slated for release in December of 2020, the song's lyrics were delayed from completion until 11:41 AM EDT of May 12th, 2021.

Story
A schizophrenia patient describes his holiday-era symptoms to the listener, and why the time of year is impossible for him to enjoy. He imagines missile strikes near his home, unsure if they happened or not. He is also convinced that a secret messenger is leaving him encoded messages near his home "by the roadside," warning of future sinister attacks. Fully aware of the CIA's questionable past behavior, he suffers visions of them using nanobots to attack the very public it's supposed to defend - which were revealed to be in covid tests in 2020, but not used in the way the patient imagined they'd be used. He believes this attack will be done as a "humane" alternative to waterboarding everyone.

He complains of the usual "hearing voices," only the voices tell him that his neighbor, Molly, is a serial killer, responsible for killing his best friend Polly. Polly died in a gruesome incident that remains unsolved; but the patient believes Molly killed her. Given his condition, and the fact that Molly keeps her home very clean most of the time, police struggle to find any evidence to substantiate the patient's claims.

He also accuses the weatherman of insulting him through the TV, in reference to a common Hollywood cliche of the symptoms of schizophrenia. The voices then tell him that a man he doesn't like, Wally, must somehow be Molly's boyfriend, and have assisted her in cleaning up the scene of Polly's death. Once again, he is unable to find any evidence - yet, the voices swear it happened.

He then states that whenever he sees reindeer displays at the local mall, he has visions of them all turning into Jerry. He finishes the song with complaining of visions of his other, unnamed neighbor's dog inventing time travel and killing JFK.