Boozer (song)

''The following is about the Every Ape and His Brother song "Boozer." For actual boozers, see alcoholism. For other uses, see Boozer (disambiguation).''

"Boozer" is a song off the Every Ape and His Brother album Poss Window. It is a parody of "Loser" by 3 Doors Down, and returns the Every Ape franchise back to its true form. Instead of a song about the evils of cocaine addiction, this song is about a cop-turned-vigilante losing his sanity in a "He Who Fights Monsters" scenario with a drunk driver.

History
Around the height of 3 Doors Down's popularity in 2000, the Dozerfleet founder first heard "Loser" playing in 101.7 FM in the Lansing area. Thoughts immediately drifted, and the song soon became "Boozer," about a cop contemplating pushing a drunk driver off the highway by sideswiping him into a ditch. Around that same time, the song "Kryptonite" inspired the "Mr. Kryptonite Head" figure that would later feature in a tutorial website dubbed ''Kurse of the Kryptonite."

Only the chorus of "Boozer" was complete, as the song lingered for years existing only in the Dozerfleet founder's mind. On March 5th of 2012, the full parody was completed. Lyrics were done being drafted around 11:30 PM EST that Monday evening. The parody was submitted to AmIRight around 11:56 PM EST for rating and evaluation.

Story
One evening, a cop who has been stressed to the point of losing his sanity begins chasing down a particularly dangerous felon whose escaped in a stolen car. That felon has been drinking quite a bit; making the felon's driving particularly erratic. Unable to call for backup, the desperate cop begins to consider vigilante-style execution a valid means of dealing with the problem. As his personal hatred for the drunk and fleeing felon reaches a boiling point, the cop's resolve to do the unthinkable escalates his descent into madness.

The story is from the exasperated cop's point of view, exposing the twisted logic he uses to justify his premeditated actions while he curses his victim. It ends with the cop reduced to both a murderer and a raving lunatic.

Lyrics
{| class="dzsongtable"
 * style="text-align:center; color:#447; font-family:Calibri; font-size:11pt;" | Boozer
 * style="text-align:center; color:#447; font-family:Calibri; font-size:11pt;" | Boozer

First verse
Driving / the wrong way; /

The road's not / your private space! /

I'm losing / patience now!/

I'll break your legs / and smash your face! /

No time / to unwind!

You nearly hit / a school bus! /

And this will / end today! /

And will / end my way.../

First chorus
I'm getting / CLOSER! /

To sideswiping you / off this highway's edge! /

Cause you're a / boozer! /

If I don't stop you / someone else / could be dead! /

I'm getting / CLOSER! /

You're going in the ditch / and your taking the fall! /

Cause you're a BOOZER! / You're a boozer.../ Yeah! /

Second verse
Trying to run? / How bold! /

I can / smell the beer from here / so... /

A sequence / must unfold! /

Not much left / of your car to / behold! /

Subtraction / of a / wasted life here; /

Other drivers / may proceed without fear! /

And this will / end today! /

It'll / end my way! /

Second chorus
I'm getting / CLOSER! /

To sideswiping you / off this highway's edge! /

Cause you're a / boozer! /

If I don't stop you / someone else / could be dead! /

I'm getting / CLOSER! /

You're going in the ditch / and your taking the fall! /

Cause you're a BOOZER! / YOU'RE A BOOZER!!! /

[Instrumental break, with a police siren and some hellish screaming; ending in the sound of a car crashing and exploding]

Third chorus
You drove me / CLOSER! /

To sideswiping you / off this highway's edge! /

Cause you're a / boozer! /

I stopped you / and now / nobody else / is dead! /

You drove me / CLOSER! /

You went in the ditch / and then you / took the fall! /

Cause you're a / boozer! / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! /

Final chorus
You drove me / CLOSER! /

To sideswiping you / off this / highway's edge! /

You were a / boozer! /

I stopped you / and now / nobody else is dead! /

You drove me / CLOSER! /

You went in the ditch / and then you / took the fall! /

You were a / boozer! / Yeah! /

[Evil, maniacal cackling]

Lyrics &copy; 2012 Dozerfleet Records. Tune &copy; 2000 Republic Records.
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